Are you happy?

One of my office mate asked that question. Knowing that she's kinda depressed and having financial difficulties that time, I answered her question without thinking much how I was really feeling. And I just wanted her to shut up so I could finish what I was doing.

"I must say I'm not happy nor sad." She asked why? I said, "I'm still fortunate compare to other people. I eat three times a day, some people only able to eat once, and some people are starving to death." So I asked her, "What do you think? Should I be sad?" She said I made sense, and tried to compliment me for enlightening her which I didn't care much since I just wanted to end the conversation and focus on work.

But that night, that question hunted me. I'm having financial difficulties as well, could not buy things I want to buy, I've been working for more than 3 years now but my cell phone is still that old unit that had retired a long time ago but out of necessity I forced it to still work for me, and yes I do envy those kids in school that does not have to work to get to school. I envy those lucky bastards who own N90, N95, i Phones, digicam, laptop. I envy those conio in those expensive and stylish outfit and having coffee at starbucks, coffee bean, etc. So basically, I'm sad. Who would not be?

The world is a sad place, the world is unfair. Many people strive strive and strive, yet they get nothing much, always less of what they should have earned. And the worst, there are people who are so lucky that gets it all even without effort. Injustice is everywhere, horrible things surround us. I guess this has been the situation since then that's why people are so get used to it, and even became numb of it.

But I am not. I know in myself I am not happy! Not in this kind of life, not in this kind of situation. I will devote myself to make things better. I know this is insane, but everything has been insane and everyone is insane to allow this insanity to continue to go on in our society. Yet I wish to be the most insane, for it takes insanity to drive people achieve their most insane undertakings...


(going insane... loaded up my m4a1 riffle and shoot myself... BANG!!!!!)